Friday, July 17th, 2016 at 9 am my life forever changed as I watched a white SUV pull into my driveway. I watched as two adults exited the SUV and walk to the right side of the vehicle. My mind raced, full of questions. My heart, fully in love with this little boy. What was he going to look like? Was he crawling? Did he know any words? WOULD HE SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT?!?! So many thoughts raced through my mind in a single instant.
All of a sudden, there he was. My heart leaped as my eyes saw this 11 month old little boy with big soft brown eyes and hair that was are larger than life. My eyes fell instantly in love, my heart had already been there for weeks. They handed him to me standing right there in my driveway.
I was finally holding him!
He stayed in my arms, not moving, not reaching for anyone else. He was content just to be held in this new stranger’s arms. He was silent, taking it all in. Our agency worker was with us overseeing the transition from one foster family to another. They had a lot of stuff in their SUV for him; toys, diapers, clothes, the works. My husband and our agency worker took his things into our house while I stood in the driveway holding him and talking to, what were now, his previous foster parents. We stood there for no more then 10 minutes before they got back in their car and drove away.
Our worker, Nathan and myself headed inside where we sat for a few minutes doing paperwork all the while my new little baby was silent. Once we were done with the paperwork she made sure everything was good and then she left.
We were on our own.
Here I was holding my first foster child, a child about whom God had spoken to my heart just a few weeks prior. God had moved mountains in my personal life to allow this moment to be a reality. This was not lost on me.
Nathan ran to the store to buy a car seat. We were told he was coming with one, he didn’t. Welcome to the world of foster care.
I sat on my couch, grabbed my phone, flipped the camera around and got his first smile. This moment was now forever frozen in time. This child had my whole heart. I knew if from that first phone call and it was confirmed that sunny Friday, June morning. I had no idea at that point in life what would be in store for us, but it didn’t matter. I was committed to whatever was best for him. No matter the length of time, no matter the road ahead, no matter my loss, this was about him.
The road was busy. We spent our entire summer that year traveling to parent visits, talking with agency workers, and meeting with case workers. Our life became fully about him.
It’s been almost three years since I first held him. I have kissed him every day since.
I’ve spent many moments pondering the what-ifs of life. What would have happened if I would have stuck to my fairy-tale? What would have happened if I would have instantly said no because it didn’t line up with my “dream”? What would have happened if I would have missed out on one of the biggest blessings because I leaned on my own dreams instead of God? I sought God that morning in my bedroom, he answered, and I had a choice. I chose in a moments notice to abandon my fairy-tale and to step into a God given reality. One that looked completely different from what I had created in my own mind.
There are many times when the road set before us is not what we had planned. There are times when our dreams feel lost and dead; when we ache for a life that we wanted. This journey to holding this little boy was a long road. It was years in the making. I have cried so many tears in the years leading up to this. I prayed so many prayers asking God why I wasn’t loving and caring for vulnerable children. I laid down my dreams again and again. Sometimes patiently, sometimes willingly, sometimes feeling like I slammed them down shattering them into 1,000 pieces, angry that they even existed.
That day, when that little boy was placed into my arms, God was fulfilling his dream in my life. Did it look different then I had planned, yes, but in that moment God’s perfect plan was taking place. The dream that I had envisioned no longer mattered, this was the moment I was created for.
That little boy became a permanent part of our family, he is now our youngest child, and forever my son.
Wow!😢,
Thank you.
Dad
Beautiful Written once again